Boars are guaranteed to revolutionize the cleaning industry and make even the most boring chores, like mopping and vacuuming, really fun! |
Chores . . . they're necessary but so very boring! I mean, there are
loads of other cool things that can be done both outdoors and
indoors, but they often must be done after chores are completed. But
those days might soon be over – the same scientist who brought us
the “hair grazer” and the “Airway car” brings you the Boar!
Dr. James Crowferd of Vassar College has successfully created this
new invention, and what it is is essentially a “mop” that mops
the floor by itself. For more details, my trusty, junior
photographer, Daniel P. Smithwater and I went to Vassar College to
get an exclusive interview from Dr. Crowferd. He is quoted for
saying, “I know the pain many – especially kids and janitors –
have to go to to get their houses, workplaces, schools and other
places clean. Mopping is, in my opinion, one of the most exhausting
chores. I mean, come on, you're dragging the mop forward and
backward, foreward and backward, forward and backward, forward and
backward, forward and backward . . . (and a lot more “forward and
backwards”). . . and backward . . . [it's] an endless process and
it gets tiring.” But that's when Dr. Crowferd thought of an amazing
and revolutionary idea: why not create a mop that mops by itself! “I
was going to create a vacuum cleaner – which in my opinion is just
the dry version of a mop – but that's already been invented,” he
says. “So I came up with the new device called the Boar. I
thought of that name for my invention because of the way wild boars
are known to feed.” He went on to explain that wild boars stick
their snouts into and throughout the leaf litter on the forest floor
of their woodland homes to find tasty foods such as roots, flowers,
grubs and etc. “It's sort of like that when you're vacuuming,” he
says. “What the Boar does is you place it on the floor you
want to clean, and after turning it on, you have two choices: the
first is to let it do the job. The other choice is to remote control
it so that it can get to places the device might not think of
getting.” Dr. Crowferd's Boar is controlled by a
state-of-the-art thinking-computer inside of it that is able to
determine which parts of the floor are dirty and which parts are
clean. The scientist also informed me that it works sort of like a
vacuum as well – sucking up the filth – since it isn't able to
ring itself out like a mop can do. “Another cool feature,” says
Dr. Crowferd, “is the Boar's amazing ability to clean
carpets and rugs too. So it is, in a sense, a mocuum . . . get it?
Mop plus vacuum equals mocuum? Ha, ha . . . yeah. Anyways, I expect
that once we've produced enough Boars to sell, they'll
literally fly off the shelves. Now that people won't be mopping, they
can actually spend time doing other things . . . like being with
family and going to church.” Then I asked Dr. Crowferd what exactly
the Boar is made to clean up. His response was, “Well . . .
it can clean up just about anything, really. Anything from dirt, mud,
dust bunnies, lint and many other small objects. Of course, the Boar
will never be able to clean up a dirty bedroom filled with things
like clothes, toys, books and large objects, so people will still
have to do that themselves. Hey! I know what I'm going to start
working on tomorrow!” Then, Daniel recommended that I ask Dr.
Crowferd if the Boar is environmentally-friendly. “Oh yes,
actually,” he says. “The Boar runs on little to no power.
We made it so that it can efficiently get the job done. In fact, it
runs on the same power as does a large CD player or radio. In the
future, I plan to design another edition to the Boar that
instead of running on electricity, runs on vegetable oil. I was going
to make one that runs off of cat litter but . . . that would have
grossed people out too much.” The Boar will be in stores
this coming fall, and when this time comes, we can relax and not have
to worry about mopping ever again . . . though a large-numbered price
tag could potentially cause your ease to vanish. “Yeah, the price
of the Boar might be anywhere from a few thousand dollars to a
couple hundred thousand dollars at first,” Dr. Crowferd says, “but
perhaps once it's been on the market for a while, the price can come
down, because everyone hard-working person in the world has the right
to sit back, relax, and watch the Boar do all the work!”
Written by: Mr. Smiley
Photographer: Daniel P.
Smithwater
Edited by: Christian
Ryan, Joy Hammond
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