All Nuts for Nuts!

Once a shy creature, Cronopios are rapidly spreading across the North American continent, and they are nut-crazed!

The little mammal from the movie Ice Age is called a Scrat, or Saber-toothed Squirrel. Now when the movie-makers made this movie, they completely made up Scrat. He was supposed to be a fictional creation. Well, recently, it turns out God really did make such a creature! It was first discovered as fossils until a living population was discovered in September 2012. Before 2012, these squirrels were hiding in the remote forests of the Taiga in northern Alaska until they realized how many acorns could be collected when living in close quarters with humans. The “Scrat”, called Cronopio by the scientists, is roughly a foot and a half in length, including that bushy tail. “Scrat” are squirrels from the Ice Age that have a complete hanker for nuts. As a matter of fact, fossil skeletons of these guys have been found still in the position of “chasing” after their treasured nuts. The “Scrat” uses its long incisor teeth to break open the shell of a nut after grasping it in their paws (if they can hold onto the nut, that is). The brain of this little mammal is only about the size of a walnut, often resulting in bad decision making. “Scrats” will also clean their nuts before either eating or burying it so it can find the nut later. These squirrels are not very social. The only time they seek other squirrels is during mating season. Autumn precaution: NEVER GO OUTSIDE AND EAT NUTS. “Scrats” have been known to steal nuts from humans and will even go to the extent of ganging up in packs to tackle humans with nuts. Despite them not being so bright, they know how to open unlocked kitchen and car and can open refrigerators. So don’t leave nuts exposed, especially during the fall. Fortunately, these nut-loving rodents were easy for my photographer, Daniel P. Smithwater to take a photo of one. We simply put an acorn on the ground and waited about two minutes before one showed up (you may have noticed the teeth on the individual in the photo aren't all that long and the tail isn't all that fluffy, this is because it's a sub-adult). These animals are definitely nuts for . . . well, nuts!

Written by: P. Smiley

Photographer: Daniel P. Smithwater

Edited by: Christian Ryan

Weekly Cartoon

Next Issue: Elephant Outbreak!

Fueling the Future

The amazing car that Dr. James Crowferd invented.

You know it, as a matter of fact, we all know it: the plain and simple truth is gas prices are going up, up, up. And income for many of us is just going down, down, down. Gas prices just aren’t helping the situation. Well, Dr. James Crowferd of Vassar College, USA might be an answer to your prayers! He has just made an astounding discovery: how to make a car run on almost nothing but air. You read the last word right: AIR! The same oxygen we breathe in and out every single day. How does the car, nicknamed the “Airway”, run on air anyway? Well, first in order to get it to go, Dr. James decided to get rid of another problem many of us have: trash build-up. First, all that the car needs to start is some trash from that trash can you have sitting around (you can kiss the garbage truck goodbye!). Simply put the trash in the same place gas would normally go and then you’re off! After the car is running, air rushes into the front of the car through a hole. The air rushing into the hole causes little windmills inside the car to turn and the air comes bursting out the back. “I invented this car because I have a vision – a clear, almost new-looking earth with cleaner air and water,” says Dr. James. When I asked him about the price of the car, he winced and said, “Well, I’m not really in this for the money, but the prices at first are going to be a little high – around $300,000,000, at least until they catch on. Then I plan to lower the price to around $50,000. And if that works out, even lower.” So when this new cars start to catch on, perhaps being “green” with our cars will be a breeze.

Written by: Mr. Smiley

Photographer: Daniel P. Smithwater

Edited by: Christian Ryan

Weekly Cartoon

Next Issue: All Nuts for Nuts!

What Big Teeth You Have!

Dr. Arizona (left) and Mr. Gregor (right) next to the gigantic skull found in Mr. Gregor's yard.

A weird animal skull was recently discovered in Mr. Gregor’s backyard. Don’t recall Mr. Gregor? Well, I’ll tell you about him. Mr. Gregor is a multi-billionaire living in Riverville, New York. Now while most rich people simply use their money for themselves, this man uses a good bit of money for charities and about 10% of it for tithes and offerings (if he’s doing a really good job making money, he’ll put in 20%). Mr. Gregor and I are very close friends so my junior photographer, Daniel P. Smithwater and I were gladly welcomed in to his house get a good story on this amazing find. “I was just taking a walk in my backyard one day,” Mr. Gregor recalls, “when suddenly . . . I realized a little rock with holes on it at the corner of my eye. I went over to it and realized it was a skull, a giant skull. I had no idea what it was.” And frankly, neither did I. As you can see in the picture above, the skull is probably from a carnivorous animal, considering the needle-sharp teeth in the jaw. I wasn’t sure if I should publish this paper at first because I wasn’t entirely sure this story was worth publishing . . . that is, until I learned what Dr. Arizona Stevenson PhD. was coming over to Mr. Gregor’s house (it’s actually a mansion) to indentify the skull. Arizona Stevenson is a local zoologist so Mr. Gregor figured that she’d be the perfect person to identify this find. “When I saw it, I couldn’t believe my eyes,” Arizona said. “The skull was larger than I had expected. I couldn’t tell if it was a feline or a mustelid.” After I asked what a mustelid was, she responded, “A mustelid is an animal related to a weasel. Ferrets, badgers, otters and skunks are in this group.” And yes, they all can squirt a foul-smelling liquid. Fortunately for us, skunks are the only ones that do this often! After examining the skull, Arizona concluded that it had to be from an extinct mammal, since no animal alive today in this region has a skull quite like this one. Since it isn’t fossilized, it probably died recently, per se, in the last decade or so. Mr. Gregor said that it might have been in his yard under the ground for years. The recent heavy downpours probably exposed it enough so he could see it. The skull was sent to Animal Adventures Institute for further study by Dr. Arizona, her husband, Dr. Steve Stevenson PhD and a bunch of other scientists. The presence of this skull so close to town is mindboggling. And one thought stuck in my head after leaving Mr. Gregor’s house: considering this skull is from an animal that died recently, does it have other friends lurking somewhere in the state of New York . . .?

The strange skull found in Mr. Gregor's yard.

PS: If you think you can identify this skull, please send an email to animaladventures@aol.com.                

Written by: Mr. Smiley

Photographed by: Daniel P. Smithwater

Edited by: Christian Ryan

Weekly Cartoon

Next Issue: Fueling the Future

Elizabeth - A Turn for the . . . GOOD?!?

Arizona and her hat and their whole family apparently have put away their bad habits.

Elizabeth P. Bat Mitten. You remember her: she’s a really, really, really bad girl. First, she turned the power off at Dinosaur Park and made everyone faint because she put too much sugar in her candy. Now she has a new claim, she said, “I was thinking yesterday about how bad I’ve been lately. I was doing bad stuff for popularity. Turning off the power at Dinosaur Park gave me some recognition, but it didn’t last. Putting too much sugar in my cotton candy gave me more recognition, but once again, it didn’t last. Now me and my hat Max are going to be good.” Good? How can she possibly be good? My trusty, junior photographer Daniel P. Smithwater and I went to her sister, Halle B. Bat Mitten to get the real scoop on this story. “At first I didn’t believe my ears either. But now I believe it with all my heart,” Halle says. When I asked about Elizabeth’s hat Max, Halle said, “I can’t talk for the hats, but if Elizabeth is good, I believe the robot hats will follow in her league.” She also said that a good percent of her robotic hats didn’t like listening to her anyway. Now me? I am not so positive that Elizabeth is really changing, but I just suppose that time will tell if her change is for real. Let’s hope so!

Story written by: Mr. Smiley

Photographs taken by: Daniel P. Smithwater

Edited by: Christian Ryan

Weekly Cartoon

Next Week's Issue: What Big Teeth You Have!