Rerun Article: Sarassic Park Stomps Into Theaters!

The theatrical poster for "Sarassic Park". It will be showing in theaters starting this Friday (May 17, 2013)!

People shuddered by the thousands when dinosaurs made their way onto the movie screen in Jurassic Park when it was released in 1993. That was 20 years ago. You could practically call Jurassic Park the first movie ever to have real dinosaurs on screen, rather than those fake-looking stop-motion ones that killed everything that moved. Ever since Jurassic Park came out, people have wanted their dinosaur movies to be more realistic than ever before. Now a new dinosaur movie is coming into theaters this Friday (May 17, 2013). Enter: Sarassic Park! It may sound a little bit like “Sarcastic Park”, but it's nothing of the sort. When I heard about this movie, my trusty, junior photographer, Daniel P. Smithwater and I went to talk with the people who made this film, such as the director, Stephen Iceberg (is there any coincidence it rhymes with the famous movie-director Steven Spielberg?). When I asked him what the basic plot of this film was and if it was different than Jurassic Park, he is quoted for saying, “Contrary to what everyone's thinking about this movie, despite it's title, the plot has nothing to do with Jurassic Park. It's a totally new movie featuring new species of dinosaurs that tend to look remarkably like everyone's favorite actor, Sarah Bus Stop Guy! So the plot is about this girl named Sarah Bus-Stop-Guy who creates this theme park called Sarassic Park. Now at this park, they have cloned some species of dinosaurs that have never been seen before, such as the dangerous and very intelligent Sarahlosiraptor, the venom-spitting Sarahlophosaurus, the ever-popular Trisarahtops, and of course the mighty Tysarahsaurus rex, just to name a few.” For more details on the plot, I asked the one of the film's producers, Katelene Cassidy (which seems to rhyme with Jurassic Park's producer's name, Kathelene Kennedy). “This film is about paleontologists Dr. Alphonso Grant (played by Sir Lamb Deal, which rhymes with Jurassic Park star, Sam Neil) and Dr. Lizzy Sattenberger (played by Dora Churn, which appears to rhyme with Jurassic Park star, Laura Dern), a math teacher named Dylan Malcolm (played by Jeff Moldblum, which seems very familiar to Jurassic Park star Jeff Goldblum) and of course, the park's creator, Sarah Bus-Stop-Guy (the movie-makers couldn't get Sarah herself to play the part, so they enlisted Sarah Sillyheart to play the part) as they try to create a theme park full of dinosaurs. They don't do this on an island like what happens in Jurassic Park, but instead they build it in Florida. But things go terribly wrong and the dinosaurs escape (sound familiar?). Now the dinosaurs are running amok in Florida.” I tried to ask Katelene for more details, but she said that we'd have to wait for the movie to come out to find out more. If you ask me though, despite what the movie-makers say, this sounds a great deal like Jurassic Park. Next, my photographer and I went to interview Sarah Bus Stop Guy herself (as you'll recall, “Bus Stop Guy” is a three-part last name) to see what her opinion on the movie was. When asked if she was excited about the movie, she said, “NO! I don't like that movie!” When asked why she didn't like it, she responded, “Because it's involving me in a bad way . . . it's making me popular, of course, but in a bad way . . . wait! Are you going to put what I'm saying in the newspaper? That's does it! I'm not answering any more of your questions!” She then got up from her chair, went into her house and slammed the door shut behind her. Interesting way for a preteen to act when getting interviewed I must say! I know from personal experience that Sarah can be very, very juvenile a large percent of the time. But anyway, I'm getting off topic here! Sarassic Park is coming into theaters May 17, 2013. I'm not so sure that this movie is going to be awarded “Best Picture of the Year” considering its MANY similarities to Jurassic Park, but hey, it will be funny to see Sarah Bus Stop Guy, everyone's favorite, very juvenile, sarcastic TV star play it out on the big screen with everyone's favorite prehistoric reptiles (even if Sarah herself isn't going to be in the movie!).

Written by: Mr. Smiley

Photographer: Daniel P. Smithwater

Edited by: Christian Ryan

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Rerun Article: Fueling the Future

The amazing car that Dr. James Crowferd invented.

You know it, as a matter of fact, we all know it: the plain and simple truth is gas prices are going up, up, up. And income for many of us is just going down, down, down. Gas prices just aren’t helping the situation. Well, Dr. James Crowferd of Vassar College, USA might be an answer to your prayers! He has just made an astounding discovery: how to make a car run on almost nothing but air. You read the last word right: AIR! The same oxygen we breathe in and out every single day. How does the car, nicknamed the “Airway”, run on air anyway? Well, first in order to get it to go, Dr. James decided to get rid of another problem many of us have: trash build-up. First, all that the car needs to start is some trash from that trash can you have sitting around (you can kiss the garbage truck goodbye!). Simply put the trash in the same place gas would normally go and then you’re off! After the car is running, air rushes into the front of the car through a hole. The air rushing into the hole causes little windmills inside the car to turn and the air comes bursting out the back. “I invented this car because I have a vision – a clear, almost new-looking earth with cleaner air and water,” says Dr. James. When I asked him about the price of the car, he winced and said, “Well, I’m not really in this for the money, but the prices at first are going to be a little high – around $300,000,000, at least until they catch on. Then I plan to lower the price to around $50,000. And if that works out, even lower.” So when this new cars start to catch on, perhaps being “green” with our cars will be a breeze.

Written by: Mr. Smiley

Photographer: Daniel P. Smithwater

Edited by: Christian Ryan

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Rerun Article: Age-Old Jellyfish Visits Animal Adventures Inc.

Jello, the 6,000-year old Immortal Jellyfish, he's pretty smart and talkative for a guy with no brain or heart or mouth...

The average lifespan of a human is around 60-90 years. As modern medicine gets better and better, we live even longer. The oldest person alive in “recent” times died at the age of around 120 years old. But that’s nothing compared to heroes of the Bible. Adam, the first man, lived around 930 years. Seth, Adam's third son, lived about 912 years. Noah lived about 950 years and Enoch lived on earth until he reached 365 years of age when God took him away. But the person who’s lived the longest, by no coincidence also has an extremely long name – Methuselah! Methuselah lived to be 960 years old until death. If he had lived another 30 years, he would have been 1,000 years old! But these long-lived people were of Bible times. Animals, even ones living today have some pretty long lifespans as well. Elephants live to be about 80+. Tortoises can live around 200 to perhaps around 250 years old. Many whales can live into their 400’s. The recently cloned sauropods – or long-necked dinosaurs – can live to be 200 years old or more. Recently, a jellyfish by the name of Jello has come to stay at Animal Adventures Studios (the part of Animal Adventures Inc. (AAI.) that does TV broadcasting and movies). He seems like a pretty old guy, so after asking if he’d like to be an interviewee, I asked him how old he is. Jello is quoted for saying, “I am 6,000 years old and counting.” Whoa! Now a lot of people reading that response must be thinking, “this guy needs to go in the Lunacy Aquarium!” At first I thought this was a little weird too so I asked him if he was kidding. “I do not kid,” says Jello. “Many people think I’m hoodwinking them when I tell them my age, but I’m not. You see, I’m from a species of jellyfish called Turritopsis nutricula, or the Giant Immortal Jellyfish. God created us as an amazing breed of jellyfish. See, most jellyfish have a fixed lifespan, but as my species name suggests, we don’t! Whenever we start aging and getting physically old, we have an amazing ability – we just revert back to the polyp or baby jellyfish stage. Then we grow up and get older until we revert again! Isn’t it amazing? The only way we get killed is by predators or illness. But most of us are really, really small, so many of us get eaten easily. Only a few ‘lucky’, or rather, ‘providential’ ones get to such a large size as I am.” I, as the reporter, was shocked that a jellyfish could live so-o-o-o long. I was still curious if the jellyfish was telling a tall tale, but I did my research and found otherwise. In fact, here is the webpage I looked at to see if the jellyfish was telling the truth. And sure enough, there really is a species called the Immortal Jellyfish. Who knew? God actually did create animals with the ability to keep on living. I then asked Jello if other animals have been given this gift. “Well, as you know not many animals can keep on living, but this gift might be shared with another invertebrate that is often served boiled red on a large platter at Red Lobster restaurant. Yes, that’s right, the lobster might also have the ability to keep on living, scientists aren’t yet sure. I guess they might be able to know the answer if they didn’t kill them for food so much!” I then decided to visit AAI.’s leading geneticist, Dr. Steve Stevenson to see what he thinks about this. This was his response: “Not many people know about the abilities of the Immortal Jellyfish. But perhaps these animals will be able to help the human race. You see, if we study the jellyfish to see how they are able to live so long, maybe we will be able to reveal how we humans can do the same. Who knows? These jellyfish could help us a lot!” Who knew a jellyfish could be so fascinating? I guess tales of animals with long lives really are telling the truth and not such a “long-lived tall tale” after all!

Written by: Mr. Smiley

Photographer: Daniel P. Smithwater

Edited by: Christian Ryan

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We here at Smiley’s News, I have been working night and day to get articles ready. I could really use some help! So we are looking for people interested in writing (especially kids and teens). If you are interested, PLEASE(!) send an email to animaladventures@aol.com and save me from working night and day! I’m exhausted!

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