A Politician's Petition

Otis Ostrich giving his speech to hundreds of people prior to the election (yes that's my head in the foreground)

Election Day is coming soon! It’s on the 6^th of November and people are already talking about who the next president will probably be. Let’s hope the right person is elected (personally, I’m voting for whoever is going to carry out governmental business the Christian-way). But here in Riverville, New York, another governmental battle is about to take place. Two people are competing for the role of President of town board. This is a big spot to fill, and the two people are very interested in the position. These two people are Mr. Edward Scott and Mr. Otis Ostrich. Yes, you read right: Otis Ostrich! As his name suggests, Otis is an Ostrich and he’s from Animal Adventures Inc. (AAI.) one of the few places in the world with animals that speak fluid English. When my junior photographer, Daniel P. Smithwater and I heard that Otis was going to run for President of the town board, we headed over to AAI. to find out more. “I know this is a little strange, having an animal be the President of the town board,” Otis says, “but I have been involved in politics before.” Otis wants to become President of the town board for a number of reasons, he says, “I think that this board desperately needs a new president. I mean, they’ve made some pretty bad choices lately with Mr. Edward Scott! They cancelled the town’s yearly Day of Prayer and replaced it with a Muslim activity! For Pete’s sake! That was a terrible choice on Edward the Evil’s part!” When Otis went up to do a speech prior to his hopeful election in front of hundreds of people, he also said that he wishes to: 

• To protect the life of the unborn (or unhatched)
• To protect Christian liberties of repealing and replacing Edwardocare
• Reduce taxes for everyone without discrimination
• And to have smaller government-more individual freedom and responsibility

So as you can see, this bird is serious about his hopeful role in the society. When asked why Otis is being so . . . “negative” about Edward, he said, “That Edward dude is a completely fabricated, untrue, unjust, untrustworthy, unreliable . . . guy. I mean, the man claims he’s a Christian, but what Christian would replace a Christian day with a Muslim activity! Now don’t get me wrong, other than their disbelief in the real Bible, I have nothing against Muslims, but Edward was rejecting God in a sense! Now this really appalled me, considering the guy is supposedly a Christian and all. He actually endorsed Halloween this past October!” After hearing this, my photographer and I headed over to Edward Scott to get his perspective on the election. “Otis the Ostrich? Oh please, don’t worry about not being elected. I mean, he’s a bird for Pete’s sake! Birds are dumb. I’ve done my research and concluded that Ostriches have a brain the size of their eyeball, that’s pretty small. So I know for a fact I’m going to be elected.” When asked about his Christianity, he is quoted for saying, “Of course I’m a Christian. I have been really, really good ever since I was born. I often read my Bible and I attend Church every Sunday." When I started to talk to him about how no matter how good you are, you still aren't allowed in heaven unless you except Jesus' free gift of salvation, he instantly changed the subject . . . hmm, his so-called "Christianity" is pretty suspicious if you ask me. Otis Ostrich is also hopeful in the coming election and so is his few week-old son named Enik (he's in the foreground to the right my head and to the left of that man in the yellow sweater). Enik says, "I believe my Daddy can be a great President of the Town Board. He's much, much better than that fool-headed Edward guy and if I were old enough to vote, my Dad is the one who gets my votes!" When asked when an Ostrich is able to vote, he said, "Well, I'm not sure, but I'd suspect it's as soon as we reach adulthood." (Even though this Ostrich chick is only a few weeks old, he already has the verbal capabilities of a six or seven year old child!) So who will win the election? No one knows, but I encourage you to please take our poll to cast who you think should be the next President of the Town Board. Simply post a comment by typing in who your vote would go to at the bottom of this page and then put anonymous or your name in the box below the comment box and then click preview. (After that you will have to put in either two words or a word and a number that comes up on the screen, just try it. Believe me, it's not as hard as it sounds) Next week, along with the main story, we will also reveal who will be elected President of the Town Board!

Written by: Mr. Smiley
Photographed by: Daniel P. Smithwater
Edited by: Christian Ryan

Weekly Cartoon

Next Issue: Dinosaurs Reproducing After Their Own Kind (and we'll find out who's the new President of the Town Board!)