Riverville's Potential is Bunnyville!

The Invasion of the Bunnies! Dr. Elizabeth Sorkin (left) and Nigel Milligan (right) survey the extent of this "bunny migration"

Easter is approaching soon! Soon, people will be having Easter egg hunts and will be going to the mall to have their picture taken with the Easter Bunny. Speaking of bunnies, we can’t seem to get them out of our minds here in Riverville, New York, especially with the latest incident last Saturday! Two of the first witnesses of what was about to happen were Mr. Nigel Milligan, CEO of Animal Adventures Inc. (AAI.) and Dr. Elizabeth Sorkin, lead veterinarian at AAI. They were outside on a stroll through AAI. when suddenly the ground started to rumble (rumble). It shook (shook)! It trembled (trembled)! It shuddered (shuddered)! It shook (shook)! It . . . did I mention shook? “It was a normal day when my employee and friend Dr. Sorkin, decided to take a walk through the campus,” says Nigel. “Then all of a sudden, it felt like a tremor was approaching!” Dr. Sorkin was also surprised by the ground shaking so wildly. She is quoted for saying, “I really had no idea what it was that was approaching AAI. At first I thought it was an earthquake but that was until I saw what was coming over the horizon.” And what to the couple’s wondering eyes should appear . . . but a large cloud of dust and an army of bunnies my dear? Rabbits and hares by the thousands suddenly came stampeding over the hills and toward AAI! As the rabbits ran toward them they had to duck and cover as the rabbits came. They are now everywhere! Another witness, Mr. Fred Fish and his friend Dr. Dodo were also surprised by the appearance of the bunnies. “These bunnies are everywhere!” says Mr. Fish. “I almost feel like the Egyptians must have felt when Egypt became overrun with frogs when God used Moses to cast down the second plague! Except these creatures are much cuter than frogs. But they poop everywhere!” Within ten minutes, thousands of rabbits are hip-hopping across the campus, eating shrubs and other plants. The other animals and people living at AAI. dare not open their doors more than necessary! It’s a good thing most of the creatures and people living here didn’t plant gardens yet, because with these bunnies around, it would be no more! These bunnies are bothering even the largest of creatures. Rachael the female Tyrannosaurus rex, mother of three is very annoyed by this. “I have to be careful every time I step out the door to make sure no bunny rabbits sneak into the AAI. I’m telling you, I’d eat the bunnies if I could, but the thing is that there are so many of them, that if I started eating them, it wouldn’t make a dent in the population. Besides, they are so hard for a big predator like myself to catch.” But the question everyone has is why all these rabbits are here instead of deeper in the forest. Dr. Sorkin has a few theories as to why these rabbits have left the forest where they live and came here. “I have a few theories as to why the rabbits are here instead of in the forest. Lately, a few miles west of here, major deforestation has been happening at an alarming rate. Perhaps these rabbits are ‘refugees’, fleeing the destruction of their homes. We have to find another home for these rabbits before they eat our plant life down to nothing!” The rabbits were getting everywhere and really annoying, so Nigel, Dr. Sorkin, Mr. Fish and Dr. Dodo had a plan! “The plan we have designed,” says Nigel, “is to use the rabbit’s superb sense of smell to our advantage. We have machine here that will emit a smell into the air that the bunnies can’t resist. ‘What smell?’ you ask? Why, carrots, of course! As we all know bunnies can’t resist the smell of carrots if the scent is strong enough. We have been granted permission by the Wildlife Protection Unit of New York State to release these bunnies into one of the national parks where they’ve had a real lack of rabbits lately.” So they turned the machine on, put it on a special truck and started driving away from AAI. The rabbits couldn’t resist the smell and started to follow the truck right out of the AAI. area. Pretty soon the rabbits were led into the forests of the national park and AAI. was saved from complete “de-plantistation”! “I do love rabbits,” says Dr. Dodo. “But we already had enough here at AAI. before that mob came along. I don’t at all miss the smell those rabbits produced! Not one bit!” And with Dr. Dodo, I’d have to agree.

Written by: Mr. Smiley

Photographer: Daniel P. Smithwater

Edited by: Christian Ryan

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Next Issue: Age-old Jellyfish Visits Animal Adventures Inc.

Sarah's At It Again!

Sarah Bus Stop Guy, the 12-year old brat, didn't want to have a picture taken of her, so my  junior photographer, Daniel has provided the most recent picture of her

You may recall that a month or so ago, a preteen named Sarah Bus Stop Guy (‘Bus Stop Guy’ is a compound surname) took a truck full of toys and tried to take them down the road, only to be stopped by a trio of Dilophosaurus from Animal Adventures Inc. Well, for a while Sarah hasn’t really done anything she shouldn’t have been doing . . . that is until last Wednesday. It all started when silly little Sarah confiscated a book from her pet “Guinea Dog” (a guinea pig that acts more like a dog) named Fido (Fi-doe). The book was called, “Training Your Owners for Doggy Dummies” by Professor Ebenezer Paine, 1798. Sarah didn’t like the book so she got her money out of her bank, hopped on her bicycle and rode off. Where she was going, no one knew. While riding, she passed by another cyclist, Jack Stevenson. Jack is not only a young teenager who knows Sarah, but he is the son of the geneticist Dr. Steve Stevenson and also the paper boy for Smiley’s News. So when he saw Sarah ride by, he knew she was up to something. Jack is quoted for saying, “I know Sarah very well. So I know when she’s up to something. It looked to me like Sarah was going to get in trouble, so I decided to follow her.” Jack quickly parked his bike full of newspapers at his house and got some of his buds together. The “people” he got together were: his sister, Angel Stevenson, Ryan Gregor, the identical twins Tiger and Willy Adamson, Gordo the Monkey, Fido, Dr. Dodo, Mr. Fred Fish and a Guanlong (Goo-on-long) dinosaur from Animal Adventures Studios named Ming. Using Fido to get Sarah’s scent trail, they tracked her down all the way to the Riverville International Airways and found Sarah in line to buy tickets to California, where Ebenezer Paine lives! I guess since she didn’t like the book, Sarah was going to complain to the author in person. She had put her hair up in a bun (normally it’s in ponytails), and put on another pair of glasses so she could look unrecognizable. Ms. Kelsey Newman, the lady who was doing plane tickets that day was available for a brief interview with me and this is what she had to say about Sarah: “When I saw this preteen girl come up to the desk, I asked where her parents were, and she replied, ‘I’m an adult.’ I was sure she wasn’t so I then asked where her parents were and she says that her mother was in the car outside the airport and her dad was as work (which was a lie). I then asked where her brother and sisters were and she said that she was an only child (which is also a lie). My next question was where she lived. But she said she couldn’t tell me that because I was ‘a stranger’. I thought she looked similar to someone I saw on television a little while back, but I wasn’t sure. I was positive that the authorities would catch her if she was under aged, so I gave her a ticket and told her to go to the passport section so her passport could be checked. I know that in order to go to California you don’t need a passport, but I figured that perhaps the guy who checks passports might be able to catch that girl in a trap.” Unfortunately, the guy who checks passports has three energetic sons at home and went to bed at 5:30 a.m., so naturally he was very tired and didn’t even notice Sarah’s age in the passport. Jack and his bunch were watching the whole thing and were coming up with a radical plan! It turned out that a friend of theirs, Helen Barr was flying the plane today and so they relayed their plan to her. “I thought our plan should work,” says Angel Stevenson. “We’ve had to track down the mischievous Sarah many times before and every time, we’ve had to use brains over brawns to catch her.” So Ming the Guanlong (who was dressed up in a dog suit so that people wouldn’t recognize him) snuck after Sarah and was able to preserve some seats for the rest of the group on the plane. After everyone was on the plane, it took off, en route to California . . . or so Sarah thought. The plane had little TV’s that extended from plane’s ceiling so that people can watch it while waiting for the flight to reach the location. What she didn’t know is that Mr. Fish and Dr. Dodo had told Sarah’s Dad, Mr. Timothy Bus Stop Guy what Sarah did and set him up on a special webcam that Mr. Fish had asked the guys who worked at the airport to connect to the TV’s to. So when Sarah turned on the TV, she saw her dad’s smiling face that said:

“Hello everybody! Welcome to Mr. Bus Stop Guy’s Show! Today’s person in the spotlight is . . . Sarah Bus Stop Guy who is trying to go to California without my permission, isn’t that right Sarah?”

Sarah’s mouth nearly dropped open as Ryan, Angel, Jack, Willy, Tiger, Ming, Mr. Fish, Fido, Gordo and Dr. Dodo came out of their hiding places and approached Sarah. Sarah knew she had been busted . . . again! Then Helen Barr announced, “Sorry folks, we have had a slight change in the plans so this flight will have to be postponed. The plane is arriving at its destination at Riverville International Airways. Sorry for the inconvenience!” Now Sarah was really bummed because she didn’t even get to go to California to complain to the author. Once the plane landed, Jack and the others returned Sarah to her mother and father and the plane was en route back to California. Mr. Timothy Bus Stop Guy was flabbergasted. “I am so disappointed in Sarah,” says Mr. Timothy. “Sarah disobeyed our orders of ‘not to leave the area around Animal Adventures Inc. (where we live) without our permission! I’m so glad Jack and his friends caught her before she reached California. She’s not at all mature enough to go out on her own like that! She can hardly stay out of trouble near us, let alone on the other side of the country so far away from us! I’m going to make sure she learns her lesson this time!” Sarah’s punishment was to get a spanking and to the clean all of the “public areas” of Animal Adventures Inc. When asked what compelled her to try flying to California with no one’s permission, she simply slammed the door in my face. I then requested the help of Ryan, Mr. Fish and Dr. Dodo to see if they could get an answer out of her. Ryan and Dr. Dodo got the same result I did, and the only words Mr. Fish got were, “Leave me alone!” and “ ‘Mind your business don’t mind mine, only then your stars shall shine,’ Ebenezer Paine.” When Mr. Fish asked why she was quoting Ebenezer Paine if she hated him so much, Sarah slammed the door in his face. My photographer, Daniel P. Smithwater also got door-slamming results when he asked if he could get a picture of her for the front page, oh well. Below the most recent picture of Sarah that we have. After this incident, Jack only has one thing to say, “Maybe this time, that silly Sarah will have finally learned her much needed lesson!”

Written by: Mr. Smiley

Photographer: Daniel P. Smithwater

Edited by: Christian Ryan

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We here at Smiley’s News, I have been working night and day to get articles ready. I could really use some help! So we are looking for people interested in writing (especially kids and teens). If you are interested, PLEASE(!) send an email to animaladventures@aol.com and save me from working night and day! I’m exhausted!

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Next Issue: Riverville’s Potential is Bunnysville!

The Missing Love Vase Case pt. 2

The people (and animals) involved in the Missing Love Vase Case (left to right): Fido, Gordo (front left), the Mark Louis the policeman (left rear), Edward Ludlow the criminal (center rear, left), the other guard (center rear, right), Jack Stevenson (front center, left), Ryan Gregor (front center, right) and Otis Ostrich. The Love Vase is in the background.

Two weeks ago, you might recall that the Love Vase, a priceless artifact, went missing from the Riverville Museum of Natural History. It was unknown who stole it and where it went . . . until last Saturaday! Friday night is when two kids who live in Animal Adventures Inc., Ryan Gregor and Jack Stevenson (the same kid in our GreatPumpkin issue) along with two of their animal friends, Fido (FIH-doe), a guinea pig that acts like a dog, and Gordo, a spider monkey, decided to solve this mystery! “We had a hunch,” said Ryan. “There’s an old belief that bad guys always return to the scene of the crime. Always. Never fails. No matter how dumb it may be, they will sooner or later, always return to the scene of the crime. So our best chance of catching the thief was to go back to the scene.” While Ryan was the main guy behind the project, Jack was a lot of help. He is quoted for saying, “I had some ideas about how we could catch the bad guy. My idea was that we try to catch the villain in the middle of his own bad deed.” The plan was to spread the word that a detective was coming to the museum. So naturally, the thief would want to clear the evidence before the detective came. The kids and the Gordo and Fido would go to the museum at night (with Mr. Otis Ostrich’s, the co-owner’s, permission of course) and try to catch the bad guy in the act, with the help of a motion-picture camera. So they went to the museum on Friday night and waited . . . and waited . . . and waited . . . until around 1:00 a.m., Saturday morning, the thief was spotted sneaking into the museum with a brush, a bar of soap and a bottle of water (presumably to clean off the area where the evidence would be left). Then as he moved over to where the Love Vase was prior to the theft and the kids leapt into action! They ran toward the thief (who was wearing a special mask so his face couldn’t be seen) and he dashed toward the museum entrance to escape. It seemed as though the criminal would escape when suddenly a monkey and guinea pig (who had been waiting by the front door) leapt forward with a net and threw it over the bad guy! Then about five minutes later, the police arrived. The bad guy was forced to remove his mask and guess who did the crime . . . Edward Ludlow S.! As you might recall from two weeks ago, Edward is one of the museum guards. Some astute readers might have noticed that his last name is S., and after researching, I found out that S. stands for Smithson! As you also might recall from last week, the Love Vase was almost stolen by the creator of the vase’s brother, Woodward Smithson. He said a long time ago that “either he or one of his descendants would steal that vase”, and it just happened! Guard Edward is one of those descendants – now it all makes sense! The police went over to Edward’s house and after confiscating the vase, brought it back to the museum. Otis Ostrich has something to say about the museum’s security, “Now we are going to have both security cameras AND guards guarding the museum both day and night. Whereas before, only one or the other was guarding. With both guarding, this museum should be much safer!” After Edward was arrested, a new guard was hired and there was one more thing that Ryan Gregor wanted to say, “See? What I tell you? I said, ‘Never fails. No matter how dumb it may be, they will sooner or later, always return to the scene of the crime.’ And they always do!”

The beautiful Love Vase

Written by: Mr. Smiley

Photographer: Daniel P. Smithwater

Edited by: Christian Ryan

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Next Issue: Sarah’s At It Again!

The Love Box Tradition

The Original Love Box that little Vermont sent to her big brother, Alfred in 1985

Valentine’s Day is now upon us! This is the time of year when department stores make millions (if not billions) on Valentine cards, chocolate and all the pink and red stuff you find in special aisles devoted to this time of year. With nothing exciting happening around Riverville, New York (unless you think “Mr. Mill Wins Local Pie Contest” is exciting) , I thought today’s story should be a tribute to a very special moment in history – in 1985, the year the very first Love Box was shipped across the world. It was February, so naturally, everyone was getting ready for Valentine’s and a little 9-year old girl named Vermont Greene (who “coincidentally” lived in Vermont) wanted to send her 21-year old brother, Alfred Greene who was fighting in Afghanistan, a special valentine to cheer him up. She wanted to send something special, something that would be remembered but something that wouldn’t tear up so easily. She decided on a cute little wooden box with a few Valentine things inside. So she and her parents went to the local carpentry shop where a friend of the family, Philip Woodward worked and asked him to handcraft a little box so Vermont could send it to her brother. Philip took on the assignment and made a 4x5 box shaped like a heart that said, “I love you!” on the front. So Vermont sent her little box from Vermont all the way to Afghanistan. Pretty soon, a lot of Alfred’s co-workers were getting a little jealous because they only got cards for Valentine’s Day. Since it isn’t wise to have jealous friends, Alfred went to a local craftsman and had him make a counterfeit box so he could occasionally rent the box to his friends so they could have it for a while (he didn’t want to use the box his sister gave him because then it wouldn’t be very special). He found that by putting perfume on the box, he could charge it for a little more than usual. Next year, in the February of 1986, the war was won and one of Alfred’s friends, Timmy Greenwell wanted to send a “Love Box” to his girlfriend named Maggie Pitworth, so as you can imagine, it started catching on. Then some of Maggie’s friends got a little jealous because their boyfriends only sent cards so she started the renting thing as well. Now the boxes were starting to catch on a lot! The idea was made known nationally by William Sty, who did much to promote these Love Boxes and that’s what they are called today, as the tradition continues. Today, people will stuff these little wood boxes with a card, chocolates and other things and ship them to their lovers. But it all started with a little girl named Vermont who wanted to cheer up her brother. So why not go down to the store, or better yet, your local craftsman and get a Love Box and share it with someone you love?

From all of us here at Smiley’s News: HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!

Written by: Mr. Smiley

Photographer: Daniel P. Smithwater

Edited by: Christian Ryan

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We here at Smiley’s News, I have been working night and day to get articles ready. I could really use some help! So we are looking for people interested in writing (especially kids and teens). If you are interested, PLEASE(!) send an email to animaladventures@aol.com and save me from working night and day! I’m exhausted!

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Next Issue: The Missing Love Vase Case pt. 2

The Missing Love Vase Case pt. 1

Mr. Fish, Dr. Dodo, Otis Ostrich, Dr. Samuel Adamson (the man with the purple hat), Mr. Gregor (the man with the yellow sweater) and the two guards are pondering the disappearance of the Love Vase.

The Riverville Museum of Natural History is a great place to go if you want to learn about the ancient world. They have sections for Egyptians, World War I, the Civil War, the Revolutionary War, dinosaurs, ancient Greece and etc. If you want to, they even have a special section that having to deal with romance in the ancient world. And you can go there anytime you want (provided the museum is open) and see what ever exhibit you want to . . . that is until last Friday. One of the exhibits features the beautiful Love Vase from Rome (which is predictable considering Rome is often called the “City of Romance”). What is the Love Vase? Well, the Love Vase was a gift to Baroness Josephine on her 25^th birthday from Baron Johnny Smithson. He made this vase in 1775 with his own two hands especially for her, his sweetheart (I personally have no idea why this vase is in the “ancient section”, because 1775 isn’t very old at all!). Now unlike many romance stories which end in tragedy, this one went on without a hitch. The two were wed on February 14, 1776. The marriage went on wonderfully. But the Love Vase was a different story. The Love Vase was an obvious beauty, and it had its admirers, but perhaps the person who admired it most was Johnny’s own brother, Woodward Smithson. He was very envious of Josephine and wanted the Vase for himself. After trying to buy it from his brother, he tried to steal it. However, he was busted and arrested. But he swore that one day, he or his descendants would one day have that vase! (Other than that, the lives of this married couple went on without a hitch) As the years rolled by, the Smithson’s passed it down from generation to generation until finally when one generation that had since moved to America decided that since the vase was so old, that it belonged in a museum for safe keeping. Anyway, back to last Friday! Mr. Gregor, Samuel Adamson, Dr. Dodo and Mr. Fred Fish were taking a walk through the museum and when they passed by the Love Vase exhibit, they noticed something peculiar – it was gone! Despite two guards standing at the exhibit all day long, and the museum doors being locked at night and guarded with security cameras, someone had taken the vase! “We were literally just strolling through the museum and I noticed the vase was missing,” says Mr. Fish. “I haven’t the slightest idea what happened to it.” The two guards named Phil Burton and Edward Ludlow S. are clueless to how this happened. “I was standing here all day long!” says Phil. “There is no way someone could take it! Well, at least I was here most of the day . . .” Phil then went on to explain that on Friday morning, he did leave to take a five-minute bathroom break. When he came back to the exhibit, he didn’t notice it was gone. Edward is quoted for saying, “I have been here all day long! There is no possible way that someone could steal it! I mean, they’d have to have been transparent.” The vase is a very valuable item, priced at over $9,000,000 in the United States. The guards said that they believe the vase went missing around 6 o’ clock in the morning, just before the museum opened, but they didn’t know it was missing until Mr. Fish and his friends showed up. I then asked if they had seen any suspicious activity before or after the incident. Edward says, “Nope. Nothing abnormal . . . actually, I saw a kid with green hair walk by and I also saw a dog that could whistle, but other than that, nope!” I then asked Dr. Dodo if he had seen any peculiar behavior. “Well, we were near the museum around 5 o’ clock this morning having a Bible study and I noticed a big black truck that said the W. H. Smithson’s Hardware Company Inc., but I didn’t think anything of it. I sure hope . . . [they will] find the vase soon, because I kind of like the exhibit – a testimony of a successful marriage-relationship, something that’s quite rare in this modern age where divorce rates are so high!” The museum co-owner, Otis Ostrich is a little anxious about the whole thing (this is the same ostrich that was recently elected as President of the Town Board; believe it or not, he does have time to co-own the museum in his free time). “I just hope they find that vase before it gets out of the country,” says Otis. “Because if it does, next thing you know it, it will be seen on EBay or Craig’s List or something. That would be just awful and we’d have little chance getting it back!” So let’s pray and hope that this vase will appear soon!

Written by: Mr. Smiley

Photographer: Daniel P. Smithwater

Edited by: Christian Ryan

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We here at Smiley’s News, I have been working night and day to get articles ready. I could really use some help! So we are looking for people interested in writing (especially kids and teens). If you are interested, PLEASE(!) send an email to animaladventures@aol.com and save me from working night and day! I’m exhausted!

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Next Issue: The Love Box Tradition

New Animal Face-Off Series Beams Success

These are all the animals from the new series!

A lot of you probably already know that my good friend Nigel Milligan is the CEO of Animal Adventures Inc. (AAI.). An “under-business” (if you will) of AAI. is Animal Adventures Studios (AAS). This is where the company makes movies and TV shows. Their latest and so far biggest project yet has recently been released on television. This series is called Animal Face-Off. “After completing our second short, ‘Jurassic Park: The Game – Triceratops Troubles’, I was eager to get on with bigger projects,” Nigel says. “So I thought an Animal Face-Off series was a great idea.” This series is quite different from most other documentary series you’ve seen. There are nine episodes in season one. These episodes are:

1. Lion vs. Tiger
2. Hippo vs. Bull Shark
3. Elephant vs. Rhino
4. Velociraptor vs. Protoceratops
5. Velociraptor vs. Ankylosaur
6. Tyrannosaurus vs. Ankylosaurus
7. Tarantula vs. Scorpion
8. Tyrannosaurus vs. Spinosaurus
9. Special: Battle at Kruger

Each episode (with the exception of the special) starts out with a little introduction to each animal. Then the narrator, another friend of mine named Christian Ryan, tells the audience the strengths and weaknesses of each animals in the face-off. Finally the face-off is revealed, and the endings can become quite a surprise to some viewers! Finally, the narrator then tells us why the winner won the face-off. The series mainly positive reviews from a wide range of critics and as of January 24, 2013, each episode has had a lot of views:

Lion vs. Tiger - 1,301 views

Hippo vs. Bull Shark - 1004 views

Elephant vs. Rhino - 921 views

Velociraptor vs. Protoceratops - 484 views

Velociraptor vs. Ankylosaur - 408 views

Tyrannosaurus vs. Ankylosaurus - 328 views

Tarantula vs. Scorpion - 667 views

Tyrannosaurus vs. Spinosaurus - 395 views

Special: Battle at Kruger - 285 views

The series ran from September 13, 2012-December 31, 2012. After a successful series such as this, some might be wondering what Nigel plans to do next. So that was what I asked him. “I like to stay ahead of things,” says Nigel. “So well before the Animal Face-Off series was finished, we were also working on a documentary series called ‘Planet of the Dinosaurs’. In this series, we will be taking viewers back in time to show them what dinosaurs were really like after the Fall of Man and how new fossil evidence is revealing some of the most amazing creatures that God ever assembled. I mean, lots of the dinosaurs in the series were only discovered in the past few years. Thanks to scientific advancements, we’ve been able to unlock mysteries that have puzzled scientists for decades and go deeper into fossils than ever before; and thanks to the invention of the Time-A-Tron we are now able to literally go back in time and film the amazing creatures in their natural element. At this very moment, my film crew is back in prehistoric Wyoming, filming a few days in the life of one of the most terrible killers of the Jurassic lands: Allosaurus!” I then asked Nigel if his series is the first series to use time travel to film the prehistoric animals. “No, we aren’t. The first people to do so were with the BBC channel where they went back in time to film a series called “Walking with Dinosaurs.” They went on to do other popular series such as “Walking with Beasts” a sequel to WWD and “Walking with Monsters” a prequel to WWD. Other series using time travel include: Prehistoric Park, When Dinosaurs Roamed America, Dinosaur Planet, Dinosaur Revolution and most recently, Planet Dinosaur. And my series, Planet of the Dinosaurs is the next great dinosaur documentary series. With the Lord’s blessing, this series will be a huge success and will help shed light on some of the lesser known animals of the Mesozoic lands (by “Mesozoic”, he is referring to the lands the dinosaurs lived in, not the fictional time periods that secularists say dinosaurs lived in).” Before I ended the interview, I had one last question to ask: what are some of the animals to expect in this new series? “Well, while we will have episodes devoted to famous dinosaurs – T. rex, Triceratops and Velociraptor – we plan to shed light on other less familiar species, such as the intriguing Spinosaurus, Rugops, Guanlong, Gigantoraptor and etc.” This series is in the works and is scheduled to be released sometime in April. I can’t wait!

PS: To see the new series, click here: Animal Face-Off.

Written by: Mr. Smiley

Photographer: Daniel P. Smithwater

Edited by: Christian Ryan

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We here at Smiley’s News, I have been working night and day to get articles ready. I could really use some help! So we are looking for people interested in writing (especially kids and teens). If you are interested, PLEASE(!) send an email to animaladventures@aol.com and save me from working night and day! I’m exhausted!

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Next Issue: The Missing Ancient Love Vase Case pt. 1

Carnival Baby Saved . . . By an Umbilical!

Mr. Bob (right) and Mrs. Cheri Mitchell (left), the baby, named Junie (center) and the Carnival Man (far right) all had an interesting time at the Riverville Country Carnival!

Carnivals can be very, very fun! But the only problem I have with them is that they can literally drink the money out of your pocket. Carnivals also hold lots of personal memories for me too, like the time I got stuck in the cotton candy machine . . . but that’s another story! Anyways, the Riverville Country Carnival always opens in middle January, despite it being so cold and snowy. This carnival is like so many around the world. They have all the typical stuff – you know, roller coasters, bouncy rides and houses, waterslides (although they end up freezing a lot in winter) and etc. Well, this story starts when Mr. Bob and Cheri Mitchell decided to visit the Riverville Country Carnival and go on one of the most exhilarating rides: the Oompa Loompa Loopy, a ride based on the film Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Now this would be fine on normal occasions – the ride was a very safe ride. But this wasn’t a normal occasion because Cheri was nine months into her pregnancy! Normally pregnant women don’t go on roller coasters because they tend to run into . . . “complications”. However, this couple decided to take their chances. So the couple went onto the ride. The ride went on without a hitch until Cheri felt a sudden muscle movement . . . the movement that all mothers, all around the world, since almost the beginning of time have known the meaning of: the baby was coming! Unfortunately, the roller coaster was already in full swing when the baby was ready to be born. “It all happened so fast,” says Bob. “One moment we were just enjoying ourselves on a ride, the next moment my wife was ready to have a baby!” I, your faithful reporter, and my trusty junior photographer, Daniel P. Smithwater just so happened to be at the carnival at the time and I noticed a man on the roller coaster bending down next to a woman and I thought I the sound of a crying baby. I then realized that the woman was in the process of having her baby! I then saw one of the carnival men looking at the roller coaster; he was apparently as shocked as I was. I tried to get his name but he simply wanted to be known as the “Carnival Man”. “I don’t know why a pregnant woman would go on that ride!” says the Carnival Man. “It’s got crazy stuff: upside-downs and loopy loops and a ton of other stuff that wouldn’t be good for a pregnant woman.” The Carnival Man didn’t have a net with him, so I loaned him the one of the nets I won in one of the carnival contests. Finally, Cheri’s baby popped out when the roller coaster car started to go upside-down! The baby suddenly fell from Cheri and started dangling in midair – the reason it didn’t fall was that Bob was holding the dear thing from the umbilical cord. The baby apparently has having the time of its life, because as it was dangling, I’m pretty sure I heard it say, “WEEEE!” The umbilical cord suddenly broke and the baby fell. The Carnival Man and I were below on the ground, trying to catch the little baby with our nets when the baby plunked into the net of the Carnival Man (see? once again I, Mr. Smiley is the hero because I lent the Carnival Man my net!). After the ride ended, I had an opportunity to interview Cheri and see why on earth she decided to ride that crazy roller coaster in the first place! Cheri is quoted for saying, “I was getting bored, so my husband and I decided to do something fun and risky at the same time! I think it was a blast!” As soon as the baby plunked into the Carnival Man’s net, he shouted, “IT’S A GIRL!” so as you would expect, the parents were very excited. How does this amazing story end? Well, after this escapade, the new family decided to take a calm trip to Hawaii, the baby was named Junie, and the Carnival Man had something to say about the carnival rules, “I am officially adding a rule that states: “NO PREGNANT WOMEN ON ROLLER COASTERS!!!”

Written by: Mr. Smiley

Photographer: Daniel P. Smithwater

Edited by: Christian Ryan

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A Dinosaurian Misidentification

On the outside, a baby hadrosaur (left) and baby T. rex (right) don't look that similar, but  when only fossil bone fragments are discovered, misidentifications are common.

You may recall that a few months ago on the Tricera-Clash article, we spoke of the find of five Tyrannosaurus, two adults and three young ones, in one location and a Triceratops. But recent studies prove differently. My photographer, Daniel P. Smithwater and I went to Dr. Samuel and Dr. Indiana Adamson (the paleontologists who initially made the discovery) to get the full scoop on the story. “Last year, we thought we had five tyrannosaurs,” says Dr. Samuel. “But this was put in question when we took a closer look at the fossils of the baby tyrannosaurs. When we first dug them up from the ground, they were still encased in solid rock . . . here at the lab we cleaned that rock off using special equipment and finally we are thinking that things were not at all what they seemed.” After taking the rock off of the “baby tyrannosaur” specimens, the paleontologists looked at the creatures’ heads and noticed something – a duckbill! Tyrannosaurs don’t have duckbills. “When we saw the duckbills, we knew that we had been wrong before,” says Dr. Indiana. “Once we took an even closer look at the skeleton, we realized that indeed the whole body is quite different from a tyrannosaur. No, the fossils we have are from a trio of baby hadrosaurs!” Baby hadrosaurs, or duckbilled dinosaurs, are very different from tyrannosaurs, as you can plainly see in the picture above. Dr. Indiana continued, “The fossil adult T. rex however, are really T. rex. So at least we have that straight. This is not the first fossil mistake paleontologists have made. In fact, the history of paleontology is littered with mistakes!” And right Dr. Indiana is! The history of paleontology is littered with dinosaur mistakes and misidentifications. Here are a few examples:

• Brontosaurus, one of the most famous of all dinosaurs, never existed; it was actually made up of the head of a camarasaur and the body of an apatosaur. While both are long-necked dinosaurs, they are very different.
• A duckbilled dinosaur called Anatotitan never existed either, it is actually a member of the Edmontosaur genus.
• A pterosaur (or flying reptile, which is not a dinosaur by the way) leg bone was thought to have been found in the Middle east. If it was a leg bone, this pterosaur might have had a wingspan of over 70 feet! However the “leg bone” was discovered to be, not from a pterosaur, but it was actually a petrified tree trunk!
• One of the most shocking of all is when a paleontologist put the fossil bones of a swimming reptile called Elasmosaurus (not a dinosaur) and thought that it had a short neck and a very long tail. Well, he thought the bones were an “irregular fit” so he had one of his friends expect the fossils and he found the problem – the head was on the wrong end!

One of the most recent possible misidentifications is that of another tyrannosaur named “Jane”. Jane is a tyrannosaur, but scientists aren’t sure which type. She looks very different from an adult T. rex so originally she was thought to be a different species and called the new species “Nanotyrannus”. Now this has been put in question and some scientists now believe that “Nanotyrannus” is actually a juvenile T. rex. Other scientists disagree because they believe that “Nanotyrannus” has too many differences from T. rex to be a juvenile T. rex because there were more differences than is expected for a maturing tyrannosaur. So far, only two specimens of “Nanotyrannus” have been found. Until more bones are found, Jane’s fossils will still elude us!

Written by: Mr. Smiley

Photographer: Daniel P. Smithwater

Edited by: Christian Ryan

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An Animalistic Movie Protest

(From top to bottom) Nathan, Koda, Kingo, Thomas, and Gordon have a lot to say about the way their species are depicted in movies

Animals and cinema: they go together really well. Animals have been in the movies ever since I was knee-high to a snow cone. I’m only kidding! Animals have been in movies way before I was even born. Way before my mom’s mom was even born. With nothing overly exciting happening here in Riverville, New York (and that’s really rare around these parts), my junior photographer Daniel P. Smithwater and I thought this would be the perfect topic for this week. Now where was I . . . oh, I remember. Animals have been in movies for a long time. But sometimes, especially in a lot of those older movies, the movie makers weren’t happy with the animals they wanted in the movie: they wanted bigger, nastier, “badder” animals. So therefore they do a little “creative licensing.” Moviegoers love these “badder” animals . . . but what about the animals themselves? Well, the animals at Animal Adventures Inc. (who speak fluid English by the way) have quite a bit to say on this topic. So this week, we interviewed five different species of animals to get their opinions on these exaggerations. Also be sure to check out the pictures of the movies that these animals are portrayed in!

Our first interviewee is Nathan, a sharp-toothed Great White Shark. At 15 feet in length, he isn’t the biggest of the Great Whites, but he’s still pretty large. No doubt the most famous portrayal of a shark anywhere is in the Jaws trilogy. “I do not condone the movie Jaws,” says Nathan. “Or the sequel of Jaws, or the third Jaws. Actually, ‘not condoning’ is an understatement – I hate that movie!” When asked why he dislikes it so much, his response was, “That movie stereotyped all of us sharks! I mean, in the movie, Jaws is, for one thing, much larger than the real Great Whites, and he is portrayed as a ferocious, blood-thirsty monster that eats humans. There is a lot wrong with that picture! First of all, I can’t stand the taste of human flesh. I don’t know a single Great White that does. It’s a common misconception that all sharks are man-eaters, and despite being the largest flesh-eating sharks alive today, we don’t eat people. From watching the movie, people think that we love eating people. And that’s not true to say the least!” I then asked why sharks attack people so much. Nathan is then quoted for saying, “Because they resemble seals and sea lions, our favorite prey. I’ve never been in the wild but from what I recall, from below the water, people who float on surf boards with their arms extended resemble a seal or sea lion, so therefore we attack.” My last question to Nathan was why people seeing the movie Jaws makes such a bad impression on sharks everywhere. He says, “Because humans are hardheads, they believe everything they see. If they see a shark eating people on a movie, they believe that real Great White sharks are man-eaters. And since the release of Jaws, people have killed sharks by the millions, just out of fear. I mean, we’re busy minding out own business and these silly people come by and start killing us! In actuality, more sharks are killed by people than people are killed by sharks! Not to mention, the third Jaws takes place in Sea World! Now isn’t Sea World all about conservation? Then why in the world does the third Jaws take place in Sea World?!? I’ll never know. All I know is that that crazy movie trilogy is about the worst thing ever put on television and I out to . . .” Nathan had a lot more to say of course, but if I wrote everything he said, this article would take till next Christmas to read!

The movie that gave sharks a bad name! Most (if not all) attacks on people by Great White Sharks are by mistake!

The next animal we interviewed was Koda, the Timber Wolf. I found Timber to be much more . . . “controlled” than Nathan (no offense, Nathan!), so it was easy to get right to the point. “We wolves just have a bad rap,” Koda says. “Not only are we portrayed badly in movies, but also in classic stories. Who’s the one who gets in trouble for destroying the houses of three little pigs? The wolf. Who gets in trouble for almost eating Little Red Riding Hood’s Grandma? The wolf. I mean, because people are so quick to believe everything they hear, they think we wolves are evil animals.” Koda went on to explain that wolves are often persecuted in the wild for eating sheep. “It is true that sometimes wolves eat sheep,” he says, “but farmers should really invest in keeping their sheep and other livestock safe instead of grabbing a gun. I mean, we’re really way more scared of humans than they are of us. With the exception of wolves with rabies, we respect humans, after all they’re made in God’s image! I believe that humans should respect us as well and give us space in the wild. They should just give us room to live in the wild, replace that cheap picket fence keeping the sheep in and replace it with a more protective fence and humans and wolves can live together in harmony.”

The Big Bad Wolf at one of the Three Little Pig's Door

If wolves have a bad rap, check out the gorilla! Kingo the Mountain Gorilla has a “few” things to say about his portrayal in the movie King Kong. “In the movie King Kong,” Kingo starts, “we are portrayed as this 25-foot tall behemoth with sharp teeth, strong muscles, and a heart of violence. Sure we may have strong muscles and sharp teeth, but we’ve kept our pre-fall (the time before Adam and Eve sinned) diet – plants and fruits. Also, no gorilla or any other primate in the history of the planet has ever gotten that big! The largest primate ever to exist, and a close relation of mine, named Gigantopithicus was a big bloke, but he was only nine feet tall. Nowhere near the size of that fictional King Kong. Also, we aren’t nearly as violent as the movie suggests, and we don’t go yanking human women around like Kong does in the movie either.” I then asked why gorillas got such a bad rap in the first place. His response was, “Well, people are very, very superstitious. So when the first African explorers saw us, they immediately must have thought we were violent monsters and a lot of people didn’t bother to find out if that was true. Nothing could be further from the truth regarding our violence. The only times we get feisty is when we are provoked. Other than that, we’re as cool as cucumbers.” I then asked about their portrayal in Planet of the Apes. He says, “We were a little violent in there too. Now a movie I do like is Mighty Joe Young. Sure, the gorilla is too big in there as well, but he’s much more like a real animal than a Hollywood monster. I’d recommend that movie.”

King Kong, the gorilla with a fictional temper!

Our second to last animal is none other than Thomas, a Tyrannosaurus rex. T. rex has been in numerous films, books, games and etc. So I decided to see if he was also getting a bad rap. “I wouldn’t call it a ‘bad rap,” says Thomas. “I’d say it’s more of a mere misconception. Because it is true that a wild Tyrannosaurus can be a vicious animal, but we aren’t monsters like we are sometimes portrayed in movies. One major misconception is that we are always hungry and will eat anything that moves at any given time. That’s not true! In the wild, we only kill when we’re hungry or when we’re provoked or another creature (or human) is in our territory. I have never killed a human (or any other creature for that matter, unless fish, mice, rats, lizards, frogs and insects count) before, and I don’t plan to, so that definitely proves that we aren’t blood-thirsty monsters.” I then asked if he was portrayed wrongly in most movies. “Yes and no,” he says. “Like I just said, we occasionally hunt when we’re hungry, but all T. rex have a softer side. My wife, Rachael will tell you that our species are great parents. We care for our young after they hatch and we even teach them how to hunt.” My last question for him was what he thought of his portrayal in the Jurassic Park trilogy. “Those are pretty accurate except for when they state that we T. rex lived millions of years ago,” Thomas answered. “We are not portrayed as pure evil monsters. While we are scary to humans in some scenes, our softer side is shown, especially in the second one where a pair is taking care of their few-week-old youngster.”

Jurassic Park, the first movie ever to portray dinosaurs pretty accurately

Our final interviewee is a little different from the others. While the others were complaining on how they were portrayed in movies, Gordon, the gorgonopsid is complaining on how she isn’t portrayed enough! “I’m a ferocious predator,” she says, “I have a pair of saber-teeth, strong legs and I’m fast. I don’t know why I’m hardly portrayed anywhere!” She also went on to explain that her species has been known for quite a while by scientists, but the general public can hardly pronounce her name. “It’s an insult,” Gordon continues. “I mean, everyone is so into dinosaurs, but they fail to realize how many other creatures God made for humans to enjoy and yet people hardly give us the recognition we’d like.” I then asked if she has been portrayed anywhere. “Sort of,” she paused. “The only times I’ve seen us gorgonopsids on a regular basis is in documentaries on the BBC or Discovery Channel. But that’s it. It’s like people are so attracted to dinosaurs, their own shadow casts down on me and my relations.” Hoping to end on a lighter note, I asked if there is any hope of her species coming out into public recognition. Her response was enlightening: “Yes actually. My species recently appeared in a television series on the BBC, I think it was called ‘Prehistoric’ or something like that. And we also have appeared in a 2012-2013 series called ‘Primeval: New World’ which is a spin-off from . . . oh! That’s the name of the other show: ‘Primeval’! So as I was saying, ‘Primeval: New World’ is a spin-off from Primeval, I can’t tell you whether I’d promote or not promote these programs because I haven’t really seen much of them yet, but at least we have an appearance in both programs, so maybe things are looking up for us gorgonopsids!”

A photo from Primeval, in this scene a gorgonopsid is fighting a weird-looking predator (this image came from this link)

So there you have it, the cunning revelations about creatures in cinema, coming from the animals themselves! So next time you visit the movie theater, please, spread the word of these animals’ plights so that maybe things will be on the bright side for these misunderstood critters!

Written by: Mr. Smiley

Photographer: Daniel P. Smithwater

Edited by: Christian Ryan

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The Case of the Giant (& Jealous) Greeny

Dr. Dodo confronting Arlene from the helicopter, she has turned from her greenish color due to Dr. Dodo's amazing speech (Mr. Fish can't be see, but he is present in the helicopter)

A lot of things happen here in Riverville, New York during the month of January. It’s just after New Year’s so everyone is naturally doing special things. For one thing, I can’t count the number of people who are making New Year’s resolutions that they aren’t even going to keep! Some people will have special dinners, some people will go out to eat, some people will be spending time with their family, some will be coming home after the ball drop and some will be celebrating their birthdays. Take Arlene McQueen for instance, she’s a normal-looking 11-year old girl who lives here in Riverville. She was out walking in the park one fine morning. Now this just so happened to be the same time Angel Stevenson was out walking. She was walking “her dog” named Fido (I put “her dog” in quotations because 1. It’s not her dog, it belongs to a girl she knows and 2. It’s not really a dog; it’s actually a guinea pig that behaves like a dog does, you know, she barks, she pants, she walks with a leash, she likes to take walks . . .). When Arlene saw Fido, she instantly fell in love with her. She wanted to keep it. “This girl was crazy,” says Angel. “I was merely taking Fido for a walk when this girl walks up to me and asks if she can keep her!” After Angel rejected the offer, Arlene’s reply was, “But it’s my birthday today.” Angel still refused. This is when Arlene shouted, “But I wan-it (want it)! Wan-it! Wan-it!” And something strange started to happen, with every “wan-it”, she grew bigger . . . and bigger . . .  and bigger . . . and BIGGER! Until she must have been at least 20 feet tall and her skin had turned a green color (sort of similar to either “green with envy” or the Incredible Hulk)! My trusty, junior photographer, Daniel P. Smithwater and I just so happened to be in the park at the time of the incident. So I was able to record everything. Daniel tried to get a few good pictures of her when she was green, but they all came out blurry. Arlene then surprised everyone by snatching poor Fido away from Angel and walking away with it. I know Angel very well, so since she didn’t have a cellphone, I quickly grabbed mine and called 9-1-1 (see, now I’m a hero!). The police came, but this was no good, as Arlene had since moved into town and started to take everything she wanted! Talk about violent! The police tried to stop her but they couldn’t either because they couldn’t use net guns (in code 1205973-09 it states that guns of any sort cannot be used when children are involved). We also tried to contact the girl’s mother’s number, but we couldn’t find it. Just when all hope seemed lost, Dr. Dodo and his best friend, Mr. Fred Fish from Animal Adventures Inc. (they both were in the paper a few weeks prior) happened upon the scene. Dr. Dodo is quoted for saying, “When I first saw that girl, I was like, ‘Whoa! Someone’s got some serious anger issues to let out!” So Dr. Dodo and Mr. Fish devised a plan. It was a plan that just had to work – deception. Deception has worked before, ever since the Garden of Eden when that serpent deceived Eve. However, unlike that scenario, Dr. Dodo and Mr. Fish weren't going to be untruthful. So they borrowed a relatively small helicopter and flew over to where Arlene was. This is when Dr. Dodo uttered a little speech:

"Honestly Arlene, look over here baby girl. Why are you taking other people’s things? Even if it is your birthday, other people have belongings that they are very fond of. And if you take them for yourself, you will only make other people sad. Have you ever heard the saying, ‘It’s better to give than to receive’? This is why instead of taking, we should give and therefore we get the satisfaction of making someone else feel better, just like God wants."

By the end of his little speech, Arlene was in tears and she suddenly shrunk back down to normal size and gave back the things she took. See, violence isn't always the answer to problems; sometimes all that is needed is just a few kind words to heal the wounds. Angel was relieved to have Fido back. Fido was especially glad to be out of the hands of that . . . "weird girl", so she wagged her tail (or what little bit of tail she did have, anyway). I then realized that Arlene hadn't gotten any presents for her birthday so when I asked if she was disappointed in not getting to keep any of the “presents” for her birthday, she said, “It’s ok, because my birthday is tomorrow!” I then asked why I thought it was today and her response was, “Oh, my Mom says EVERYDAY’S my birthday!!!” Oh no! I just hope Dr. Dodo’s words were inspirational enough to make Arlene see things a little differently!

Written by: Mr. Smiley

Photographer: Daniel P. Smithwater

Edited by: Christian Ryan

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