Sarah's At It Again!

Sarah Bus Stop Guy, the 12-year old brat, didn't want to have a picture taken of her, so my  junior photographer, Daniel has provided the most recent picture of her

You may recall that a month or so ago, a preteen named Sarah Bus Stop Guy (‘Bus Stop Guy’ is a compound surname) took a truck full of toys and tried to take them down the road, only to be stopped by a trio of Dilophosaurus from Animal Adventures Inc. Well, for a while Sarah hasn’t really done anything she shouldn’t have been doing . . . that is until last Wednesday. It all started when silly little Sarah confiscated a book from her pet “Guinea Dog” (a guinea pig that acts more like a dog) named Fido (Fi-doe). The book was called, “Training Your Owners for Doggy Dummies” by Professor Ebenezer Paine, 1798. Sarah didn’t like the book so she got her money out of her bank, hopped on her bicycle and rode off. Where she was going, no one knew. While riding, she passed by another cyclist, Jack Stevenson. Jack is not only a young teenager who knows Sarah, but he is the son of the geneticist Dr. Steve Stevenson and also the paper boy for Smiley’s News. So when he saw Sarah ride by, he knew she was up to something. Jack is quoted for saying, “I know Sarah very well. So I know when she’s up to something. It looked to me like Sarah was going to get in trouble, so I decided to follow her.” Jack quickly parked his bike full of newspapers at his house and got some of his buds together. The “people” he got together were: his sister, Angel Stevenson, Ryan Gregor, the identical twins Tiger and Willy Adamson, Gordo the Monkey, Fido, Dr. Dodo, Mr. Fred Fish and a Guanlong (Goo-on-long) dinosaur from Animal Adventures Studios named Ming. Using Fido to get Sarah’s scent trail, they tracked her down all the way to the Riverville International Airways and found Sarah in line to buy tickets to California, where Ebenezer Paine lives! I guess since she didn’t like the book, Sarah was going to complain to the author in person. She had put her hair up in a bun (normally it’s in ponytails), and put on another pair of glasses so she could look unrecognizable. Ms. Kelsey Newman, the lady who was doing plane tickets that day was available for a brief interview with me and this is what she had to say about Sarah: “When I saw this preteen girl come up to the desk, I asked where her parents were, and she replied, ‘I’m an adult.’ I was sure she wasn’t so I then asked where her parents were and she says that her mother was in the car outside the airport and her dad was as work (which was a lie). I then asked where her brother and sisters were and she said that she was an only child (which is also a lie). My next question was where she lived. But she said she couldn’t tell me that because I was ‘a stranger’. I thought she looked similar to someone I saw on television a little while back, but I wasn’t sure. I was positive that the authorities would catch her if she was under aged, so I gave her a ticket and told her to go to the passport section so her passport could be checked. I know that in order to go to California you don’t need a passport, but I figured that perhaps the guy who checks passports might be able to catch that girl in a trap.” Unfortunately, the guy who checks passports has three energetic sons at home and went to bed at 5:30 a.m., so naturally he was very tired and didn’t even notice Sarah’s age in the passport. Jack and his bunch were watching the whole thing and were coming up with a radical plan! It turned out that a friend of theirs, Helen Barr was flying the plane today and so they relayed their plan to her. “I thought our plan should work,” says Angel Stevenson. “We’ve had to track down the mischievous Sarah many times before and every time, we’ve had to use brains over brawns to catch her.” So Ming the Guanlong (who was dressed up in a dog suit so that people wouldn’t recognize him) snuck after Sarah and was able to preserve some seats for the rest of the group on the plane. After everyone was on the plane, it took off, en route to California . . . or so Sarah thought. The plane had little TV’s that extended from plane’s ceiling so that people can watch it while waiting for the flight to reach the location. What she didn’t know is that Mr. Fish and Dr. Dodo had told Sarah’s Dad, Mr. Timothy Bus Stop Guy what Sarah did and set him up on a special webcam that Mr. Fish had asked the guys who worked at the airport to connect to the TV’s to. So when Sarah turned on the TV, she saw her dad’s smiling face that said:

“Hello everybody! Welcome to Mr. Bus Stop Guy’s Show! Today’s person in the spotlight is . . . Sarah Bus Stop Guy who is trying to go to California without my permission, isn’t that right Sarah?”

Sarah’s mouth nearly dropped open as Ryan, Angel, Jack, Willy, Tiger, Ming, Mr. Fish, Fido, Gordo and Dr. Dodo came out of their hiding places and approached Sarah. Sarah knew she had been busted . . . again! Then Helen Barr announced, “Sorry folks, we have had a slight change in the plans so this flight will have to be postponed. The plane is arriving at its destination at Riverville International Airways. Sorry for the inconvenience!” Now Sarah was really bummed because she didn’t even get to go to California to complain to the author. Once the plane landed, Jack and the others returned Sarah to her mother and father and the plane was en route back to California. Mr. Timothy Bus Stop Guy was flabbergasted. “I am so disappointed in Sarah,” says Mr. Timothy. “Sarah disobeyed our orders of ‘not to leave the area around Animal Adventures Inc. (where we live) without our permission! I’m so glad Jack and his friends caught her before she reached California. She’s not at all mature enough to go out on her own like that! She can hardly stay out of trouble near us, let alone on the other side of the country so far away from us! I’m going to make sure she learns her lesson this time!” Sarah’s punishment was to get a spanking and to the clean all of the “public areas” of Animal Adventures Inc. When asked what compelled her to try flying to California with no one’s permission, she simply slammed the door in my face. I then requested the help of Ryan, Mr. Fish and Dr. Dodo to see if they could get an answer out of her. Ryan and Dr. Dodo got the same result I did, and the only words Mr. Fish got were, “Leave me alone!” and “ ‘Mind your business don’t mind mine, only then your stars shall shine,’ Ebenezer Paine.” When Mr. Fish asked why she was quoting Ebenezer Paine if she hated him so much, Sarah slammed the door in his face. My photographer, Daniel P. Smithwater also got door-slamming results when he asked if he could get a picture of her for the front page, oh well. Below the most recent picture of Sarah that we have. After this incident, Jack only has one thing to say, “Maybe this time, that silly Sarah will have finally learned her much needed lesson!”

Written by: Mr. Smiley

Photographer: Daniel P. Smithwater

Edited by: Christian Ryan

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We here at Smiley’s News, I have been working night and day to get articles ready. I could really use some help! So we are looking for people interested in writing (especially kids and teens). If you are interested, PLEASE(!) send an email to animaladventures@aol.com and save me from working night and day! I’m exhausted!

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The Missing Love Vase Case pt. 2

The people (and animals) involved in the Missing Love Vase Case (left to right): Fido, Gordo (front left), the Mark Louis the policeman (left rear), Edward Ludlow the criminal (center rear, left), the other guard (center rear, right), Jack Stevenson (front center, left), Ryan Gregor (front center, right) and Otis Ostrich. The Love Vase is in the background.

Two weeks ago, you might recall that the Love Vase, a priceless artifact, went missing from the Riverville Museum of Natural History. It was unknown who stole it and where it went . . . until last Saturaday! Friday night is when two kids who live in Animal Adventures Inc., Ryan Gregor and Jack Stevenson (the same kid in our GreatPumpkin issue) along with two of their animal friends, Fido (FIH-doe), a guinea pig that acts like a dog, and Gordo, a spider monkey, decided to solve this mystery! “We had a hunch,” said Ryan. “There’s an old belief that bad guys always return to the scene of the crime. Always. Never fails. No matter how dumb it may be, they will sooner or later, always return to the scene of the crime. So our best chance of catching the thief was to go back to the scene.” While Ryan was the main guy behind the project, Jack was a lot of help. He is quoted for saying, “I had some ideas about how we could catch the bad guy. My idea was that we try to catch the villain in the middle of his own bad deed.” The plan was to spread the word that a detective was coming to the museum. So naturally, the thief would want to clear the evidence before the detective came. The kids and the Gordo and Fido would go to the museum at night (with Mr. Otis Ostrich’s, the co-owner’s, permission of course) and try to catch the bad guy in the act, with the help of a motion-picture camera. So they went to the museum on Friday night and waited . . . and waited . . . and waited . . . until around 1:00 a.m., Saturday morning, the thief was spotted sneaking into the museum with a brush, a bar of soap and a bottle of water (presumably to clean off the area where the evidence would be left). Then as he moved over to where the Love Vase was prior to the theft and the kids leapt into action! They ran toward the thief (who was wearing a special mask so his face couldn’t be seen) and he dashed toward the museum entrance to escape. It seemed as though the criminal would escape when suddenly a monkey and guinea pig (who had been waiting by the front door) leapt forward with a net and threw it over the bad guy! Then about five minutes later, the police arrived. The bad guy was forced to remove his mask and guess who did the crime . . . Edward Ludlow S.! As you might recall from two weeks ago, Edward is one of the museum guards. Some astute readers might have noticed that his last name is S., and after researching, I found out that S. stands for Smithson! As you also might recall from last week, the Love Vase was almost stolen by the creator of the vase’s brother, Woodward Smithson. He said a long time ago that “either he or one of his descendants would steal that vase”, and it just happened! Guard Edward is one of those descendants – now it all makes sense! The police went over to Edward’s house and after confiscating the vase, brought it back to the museum. Otis Ostrich has something to say about the museum’s security, “Now we are going to have both security cameras AND guards guarding the museum both day and night. Whereas before, only one or the other was guarding. With both guarding, this museum should be much safer!” After Edward was arrested, a new guard was hired and there was one more thing that Ryan Gregor wanted to say, “See? What I tell you? I said, ‘Never fails. No matter how dumb it may be, they will sooner or later, always return to the scene of the crime.’ And they always do!”

The beautiful Love Vase

Written by: Mr. Smiley

Photographer: Daniel P. Smithwater

Edited by: Christian Ryan

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We here at Smiley’s News, I have been working night and day to get articles ready. I could really use some help! So we are looking for people interested in writing (especially kids and teens). If you are interested, PLEASE(!) send an email to animaladventures@aol.com and save me from working night and day! I’m exhausted!

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Next Issue: Sarah’s At It Again!

The Love Box Tradition

The Original Love Box that little Vermont sent to her big brother, Alfred in 1985

Valentine’s Day is now upon us! This is the time of year when department stores make millions (if not billions) on Valentine cards, chocolate and all the pink and red stuff you find in special aisles devoted to this time of year. With nothing exciting happening around Riverville, New York (unless you think “Mr. Mill Wins Local Pie Contest” is exciting) , I thought today’s story should be a tribute to a very special moment in history – in 1985, the year the very first Love Box was shipped across the world. It was February, so naturally, everyone was getting ready for Valentine’s and a little 9-year old girl named Vermont Greene (who “coincidentally” lived in Vermont) wanted to send her 21-year old brother, Alfred Greene who was fighting in Afghanistan, a special valentine to cheer him up. She wanted to send something special, something that would be remembered but something that wouldn’t tear up so easily. She decided on a cute little wooden box with a few Valentine things inside. So she and her parents went to the local carpentry shop where a friend of the family, Philip Woodward worked and asked him to handcraft a little box so Vermont could send it to her brother. Philip took on the assignment and made a 4x5 box shaped like a heart that said, “I love you!” on the front. So Vermont sent her little box from Vermont all the way to Afghanistan. Pretty soon, a lot of Alfred’s co-workers were getting a little jealous because they only got cards for Valentine’s Day. Since it isn’t wise to have jealous friends, Alfred went to a local craftsman and had him make a counterfeit box so he could occasionally rent the box to his friends so they could have it for a while (he didn’t want to use the box his sister gave him because then it wouldn’t be very special). He found that by putting perfume on the box, he could charge it for a little more than usual. Next year, in the February of 1986, the war was won and one of Alfred’s friends, Timmy Greenwell wanted to send a “Love Box” to his girlfriend named Maggie Pitworth, so as you can imagine, it started catching on. Then some of Maggie’s friends got a little jealous because their boyfriends only sent cards so she started the renting thing as well. Now the boxes were starting to catch on a lot! The idea was made known nationally by William Sty, who did much to promote these Love Boxes and that’s what they are called today, as the tradition continues. Today, people will stuff these little wood boxes with a card, chocolates and other things and ship them to their lovers. But it all started with a little girl named Vermont who wanted to cheer up her brother. So why not go down to the store, or better yet, your local craftsman and get a Love Box and share it with someone you love?

From all of us here at Smiley’s News: HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!

Written by: Mr. Smiley

Photographer: Daniel P. Smithwater

Edited by: Christian Ryan

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We here at Smiley’s News, I have been working night and day to get articles ready. I could really use some help! So we are looking for people interested in writing (especially kids and teens). If you are interested, PLEASE(!) send an email to animaladventures@aol.com and save me from working night and day! I’m exhausted!

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Next Issue: The Missing Love Vase Case pt. 2

The Missing Love Vase Case pt. 1

Mr. Fish, Dr. Dodo, Otis Ostrich, Dr. Samuel Adamson (the man with the purple hat), Mr. Gregor (the man with the yellow sweater) and the two guards are pondering the disappearance of the Love Vase.

The Riverville Museum of Natural History is a great place to go if you want to learn about the ancient world. They have sections for Egyptians, World War I, the Civil War, the Revolutionary War, dinosaurs, ancient Greece and etc. If you want to, they even have a special section that having to deal with romance in the ancient world. And you can go there anytime you want (provided the museum is open) and see what ever exhibit you want to . . . that is until last Friday. One of the exhibits features the beautiful Love Vase from Rome (which is predictable considering Rome is often called the “City of Romance”). What is the Love Vase? Well, the Love Vase was a gift to Baroness Josephine on her 25^th birthday from Baron Johnny Smithson. He made this vase in 1775 with his own two hands especially for her, his sweetheart (I personally have no idea why this vase is in the “ancient section”, because 1775 isn’t very old at all!). Now unlike many romance stories which end in tragedy, this one went on without a hitch. The two were wed on February 14, 1776. The marriage went on wonderfully. But the Love Vase was a different story. The Love Vase was an obvious beauty, and it had its admirers, but perhaps the person who admired it most was Johnny’s own brother, Woodward Smithson. He was very envious of Josephine and wanted the Vase for himself. After trying to buy it from his brother, he tried to steal it. However, he was busted and arrested. But he swore that one day, he or his descendants would one day have that vase! (Other than that, the lives of this married couple went on without a hitch) As the years rolled by, the Smithson’s passed it down from generation to generation until finally when one generation that had since moved to America decided that since the vase was so old, that it belonged in a museum for safe keeping. Anyway, back to last Friday! Mr. Gregor, Samuel Adamson, Dr. Dodo and Mr. Fred Fish were taking a walk through the museum and when they passed by the Love Vase exhibit, they noticed something peculiar – it was gone! Despite two guards standing at the exhibit all day long, and the museum doors being locked at night and guarded with security cameras, someone had taken the vase! “We were literally just strolling through the museum and I noticed the vase was missing,” says Mr. Fish. “I haven’t the slightest idea what happened to it.” The two guards named Phil Burton and Edward Ludlow S. are clueless to how this happened. “I was standing here all day long!” says Phil. “There is no way someone could take it! Well, at least I was here most of the day . . .” Phil then went on to explain that on Friday morning, he did leave to take a five-minute bathroom break. When he came back to the exhibit, he didn’t notice it was gone. Edward is quoted for saying, “I have been here all day long! There is no possible way that someone could steal it! I mean, they’d have to have been transparent.” The vase is a very valuable item, priced at over $9,000,000 in the United States. The guards said that they believe the vase went missing around 6 o’ clock in the morning, just before the museum opened, but they didn’t know it was missing until Mr. Fish and his friends showed up. I then asked if they had seen any suspicious activity before or after the incident. Edward says, “Nope. Nothing abnormal . . . actually, I saw a kid with green hair walk by and I also saw a dog that could whistle, but other than that, nope!” I then asked Dr. Dodo if he had seen any peculiar behavior. “Well, we were near the museum around 5 o’ clock this morning having a Bible study and I noticed a big black truck that said the W. H. Smithson’s Hardware Company Inc., but I didn’t think anything of it. I sure hope . . . [they will] find the vase soon, because I kind of like the exhibit – a testimony of a successful marriage-relationship, something that’s quite rare in this modern age where divorce rates are so high!” The museum co-owner, Otis Ostrich is a little anxious about the whole thing (this is the same ostrich that was recently elected as President of the Town Board; believe it or not, he does have time to co-own the museum in his free time). “I just hope they find that vase before it gets out of the country,” says Otis. “Because if it does, next thing you know it, it will be seen on EBay or Craig’s List or something. That would be just awful and we’d have little chance getting it back!” So let’s pray and hope that this vase will appear soon!

Written by: Mr. Smiley

Photographer: Daniel P. Smithwater

Edited by: Christian Ryan

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We here at Smiley’s News, I have been working night and day to get articles ready. I could really use some help! So we are looking for people interested in writing (especially kids and teens). If you are interested, PLEASE(!) send an email to animaladventures@aol.com and save me from working night and day! I’m exhausted!

Weekly Cartoons

Next Issue: The Love Box Tradition