World's First "Modern" Shoe Discovered

Indiana James holding the newly discovered stone shoe

The world of archaeology was a buzz about a recent find! So I, Mr. Smiley and my photographer, Daniel P. Smithwater, headed over to Burlington, Vermont to get the inside story on the finding of the first “modern” shoe ever made. Indiana James, a famous archaeologist was off exploring in the Amazon Rainforests of South America when he discovered the some very old ruins that were estimated to be 3,000 years old. In an ancient temple, he found a pair of stone shoes. This is evidence that ancient royalty wore the first modern looking shoes. How does it look modern? Well for starters it is completely enclosed. Most other people at the time were wearing sandals or bare feet. So these are the first “modern” looking shoes. “They are very similar to sneakers,” says Indiana James, “but since the material to make sneakers wasn’t invented yet, they had to make these shoes out of stone.” Some old paintings on the temple walls may have the story as to how these stone shoes came to be: a great Native South American king wanted to look more impressive than his contemporaries. So he told his head shoe maker (possibly named Sir Keystone), to make him an impressive shoe within 24 hours or else he would be stoned to death (the king was very strict). So in sheer desperation, he sat thinking over the next 24 hours as to how he could make these impressive shoes. He thought of what types of stone they would use to stone him, and this gave him an idea. Why not make stone shoes? So he got to work. By the end of the 24 hours, he had made a pair of beautiful shoes with the king’s face where the ankle was and three blue jewels on the sides of this shoe. The king was so pleased, he offered to give the shoe maker whatever he wished. The shoe maker wanted one of the blue jewels (which is why one of the jewels on the shoes are missing!). The king granted his request and to this day, the shoes look exactly how they did when they were first made. But I’m not sure I’d want to wear those shoes, it would make running make your feet sweaty!

Story written by: Mr. Smiley

Photographs taken by: Daniel P. Smithwater

Edited by: Christian Ryan M.

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Next Issue: Elizabeth is being . . .good?!?

Elizabeth Strikes . . . Again!

Elizabeth, Steve and John after their failed attempt to take over the world. As you can see, Elizabeth painted her hat white in a vain attempt to look "good" so people would buy the candy

Elizabeth P. Bat Mitten can’t seem to get off the headlines, can she? When I, Mr. Smiley heard she could be getting in more trouble, I rushed over to the scene with my photographer, Daniel P. Smithwater. The scene is, like always, Riverville, New York. Nice little place, plenty of parking space, and lots of hot cocoa! Wait, why am I talking about cocoa? Anyway, back to the story. Elizabeth decided she would once again try and take control of the world. This time though, she wanted more help than that of her trusty robotic hat named Max (whom she painted white). Her other assistants would be her husband, Steve Bat mitten and her son named John Bat mitten. They each started making cotton candy and unfortunately, it was a huge success. You see, the cotton candy was 2.1% (candy) cotton and 98.9% sugar. Since it was pretty much all sugar, it made most of the people who ate way to active and after a day or two they fainted. A few people who didn’t faint were Christy Poppyseed, Debby Boxford, Becky McGregor, Steve Stephen, and their parents. When they learned everyone else fainted (except of course your trusty reporter and photographer, Daniel and I), they devised a plan to get the police back in action. By working together producing skunk spray to put in front of their noses, they were able to revive the police and the police were able to capture the Bat mittens (who were so undulged in cotton candy that thy couldn't escape). It is recommended never to try Elizabeth’s food . . . again!

Story written by: Mr. Smiley

Photographs taken by: Daniel P. Smithwater

Edited by: Christian Ryan M.

Weekly Cartoon

Next Issue: Explorer finds Stone Shoe!

Cretaceous Park Breakdown!

Elizabeth after the power was switched back on standing in front of the sauropod enclosure.

One fine day at Cretaceous Park, a type of dinosaur zoo located on an island just 200 miles or so off the coast of Costa Rica. It didn't look like anything could go wrong at all. But I, Mr. Smiley and my trusty junior photographer Daniel P. Smithwater, was right on the scene to capture all the action on paper. Now let’s cut to the chase: A young woman named Elizabeth P. Bat Mitten decided to turn the park's peacefulness upside-down. Her plan - She and her robotic hat helper Max were to sneak into the power room of Cretaceous Park to shut the power down. No one is still sure why. With the power out, dinosaurs at the park could escape from their enclosures. One such called Tyrannosaurus rex (nicknamed Big Red) broke out and literally terrorized the people at the park! So did the Velociraptors and Dilophosaurus. Since they both were pack hunters, they were twice as dangerous. Not to mention that Velociraptors are very intelligent; they have the intelligence of a dog or a lion, and we wouldn't call a lion dumb would we? Fortunately, no one was killed by these beasts. The most destruction actually came from the plant eaters. When they broke out, they roamed around the park eating the flower beds, stripping the trees of their leaves and devouring 9,895,923 bags of cheese curls. Who knew dinosaurs like so much cheese! Even though the carnivores did the least amount of damage, they still caused some trouble. After the incident was over, they had successfully eaten all the ham and turkey burgers, hot dogs and other meats the park had. My photographer and I spent most of the time hiding from the carnivores in a very small flower pot. After a while, manager of the park, David Milligan (who is also famous for his movie, "Cretaceous Park: The Game: Triceratops Trouble") managed to jump into one of the ranger helicopters they had at the park. He mustered each and every one of those dinosaurs back into the cages. Elizabeth and Max were arrested. Instead of going to jail for doing such a terrible crime, the police decided it would be better if they did community service. “Everything in the park is back in order,” says David, “The power is back on and we know have posted guards by the power room so no one can sneak back in there again. So Cretaceous Park is still one of the greatest animal parks in the world!"

Written by: Mr. Smiley
Photographed by: Daniel P. Smithwater
Edited by: Christian Ryan M.

Weekly Cartoon

Next Week's Issue: Elizabeth Strikes Again!

Howdy Folks!

Well hello everybody! Welcome to my blog! My name is Peter Smiley, but most folks just call me Mr. Smiley. Now I have a little newspaper that I write for in my hometown, but lately, I've decided to broaden my scope to the internet. So basically what this is is a weekly paper that is published to give you the news of the ins and outs of the way we live around here. Get ready for a lot of fun and news scoops. And remember, I NEVER exaggerate . . . most of the time . . . Anywho, let's get started!

That's me, Mr. Smiley!